To Start Anew

Do I deserve a second chance?How can I define that?Being the type of person who's very unsure of herself,answering my question would lack my confidence on giving you an answer entirely.
For months I've been struggling trying to get back on the right track to the road of what I call success.Only, my supposedly attempt failed.It failed due to some reasons that kept me delaying on what I'm suppose to be doing.When ever I think about it,it irks me so much that,at one point I broke down and cried privately thinking that my life is fucked up because it's just not moving.It's NOT!I cant live like this.
Yes I've screwed up so bad in the past,wishingI shouldn't have slacked so much,that I'm deeply appalled with it.Reality have hit me so hard right now that,Ive come to realize how important education is(FYI:I was never ignorant with education.I just lacked the spirit then.But mind you I was .I was told how important whilst growing up but was never much serious about it.But what ever it was,im glad to have made such mistakes.Or this realization would never occur to me.
But i cant do this on my own without praying and belief in myself.I can work with the praying insyaallah..hehe...but its that belief in myself which i sometimes lack the confidence.I need that boost from Allah together from my family (especially my mother) and friends.
So I think i have a New Year's resolution-To get back on the track which i strongly deserve.Past mistakes learned,should be by now.In fact,it will be the greatest birthday present if i get to study again next year.Amin!
To my readers out there,with my last post of the year,i would like to wish you all Happy Holidays and A Happy Happy New Year.I hope you'll have a wonderful year ahead of you,despite what you are or what you're going through,anyone deserves it.Take care!

In A Blink of An Eye

My!Christmas just passed and its 6 days to the new year.It was just like yesterday i was celebrating the new year.Time really flies so fast and here I am again preparing for another new year s***!haha oh and another year older soon too *hint hint*No new year's resolution though.I have a huge problem committing to it =s i guess the only new year's resolution I should be making is to actually commit to my bloody resolutions ;p Merry Christmas to all & happy holidays.Engjoy yo xp

Boring Monday

Here's what i did on a boring afternoon.*points up*I fell from my bike on this little hill once before when i was about 7.Fell flat on the ground.My white shirt was a little torn.Got bruises on my chin,knees and palm.But never regretted it hehe;p What can I say,I'm an adrenalin junkie.Lack of extremity in this video eh=p.Anyway, i woke up pretty early around 5am to the sound of my brothers jamming?Can you believe it,jamming at 5am?Wrong timing these silly boys=p Had 5hrs of sleep only.In fact, i just woke up from a quick short nap.Did my laundry,watched 'The Holiday' on HBO.Throughout the movie ,I couldn't stop thinking how gay Jude Law is.OK maybe not gay,sisi?well he's just not man enough.Tried practicing 2 songs on the guitar.I'm struggling a little due to my inflexible short fingers especially to the song 'Halo'.But I'm getting the hang of it.So that's my Monday.Unproductive much ~nyeh

Sandi Thom

Sandi Thom's Rendition of Gnarls Barkley's 'Crazy'.I'm lovin' the jigs!

Another Birthday Shoutout

3 people i know are celebrating their birthday today.My best friend Shimah & my siblings Amani & Fathu (although they are of the same age,they're not twins.Don't be mistaken).We celebrated my siblings birthday last night.Had a mini barbecue.Azzam made a little presentation,his own 'Hey Delilah' rendition for the bday celebrants which is pretty sweet.As for Shimah,i wish that i could be there for her birthday so bad but i cant unfortunately =( Sorry love,there'll be next time i hope,insyaallah.Anyway, hope these birthday celebrants are having a smashing good time turning another year older,another year wiser.Love you all.Oooh and i hope it's not too late to say 'Happy World Aids Day' as well.Stay safe everyone.Ciao!

7am with Piggy

Woke up pretty early yesterday.Watched my sister bathe her guinea pig,Piggy.Whats funny about Piggy is no one at home knows its gender so it was given 2 names.If its a female:Ms. Piggy Raspushia. Male:Mr. Norbit Piggy.Some of you might be familiar with these name if you've watched Eddie Murphy's 'Norbit' movie.Could Piggy's life get any more confusing?

Happy Birthday

A big shout out to my sister,Khairunnina @ Khai who is turning 19 today.Unfortunately for us (no cake wah *jokes*) she's not here to celebrate it with us back here in Brunei as she is in Singapore right now.I'm sure she's having a blast,lucky for her ;p I love you kantut XD

TheUnionN-John Mayer

I love love this medley of 'Waiting on the World to Change' and Alicia Key's 'No One' very much.Hot stuff!

Funny Alicia Keys Mtv ads

There are other 3 more in You Tube.I picked these 4 'cause they were to me the funniest (actually 3 but i can't resist the one with John innit ;p).I don't expect any of you to be an A.Key's fan to watch it xp

Home for the Holidays

Yay! I’m not going to Singapore *grins* Just found out in the very last minute. I’ll be able to do some things I’ve been missing out for a while.Away from suffocating shopping malls and dreadful endless shopping. I don't have to smell Fu Lu Shoo's (the building where gem stones/crystals or anything Buddhism related are mainly sold in Sg) distinctive-funky-head spinning smell nor I'll have to sit there for hours.Whoopee!Although I might miss out on the chance to watch the Golden Compass =S God I miss my outdoor afternoons. I’ll be able to do some things-cleaning out/fix some stuff mostly. Maybe I might go sunbathing by the pool who knows. I’m pale as ever. Or even go for after 12am "swim" LOL. The things young people plan to do when their parents aren’t around ;p Well I get bored easily for someone who’s always behind close doors so in order to make my life less boring I make these naughty(don’t mistaken naughty for something skanky ok) attempts just to spice my life a wee bit. But I do have my limits especially for someone who’ll be turning 20 in a month plus *hint hint*.No one is that pristine! Hey!I’m just trying making the most of my teen hood. XD

The Hub's Party

Yesterday was my sister's,Nik Hubz 18th birthday bash at Empire's 'The Baze' together with Munji.It was a night to remember for Hubz espcially when her 18 x 2 friends (18 girls & 18 boys) each presented 18 roses from the boys and blew out 18 candles each and made birthday wishes to her.Sentimental but all and all it was very sweet.Knowing that the birthday girl shed a few tears that night I'm on the verge of it whilst typing this post ;p Some of my siblings performed a Ricky Martin song.Zaru wooed and surprised the crowd with his 'goyang' moves towards the end of the performance.People started dancing after that.The music sucked a bit.Felt like taking over the DJ's place badly but can't help getting in the groove.Basically i kept going on and off the dance floor-off requesting the DJ to change to a better song that everyone could actually dance to.Surprisingly some people (people meaning teen)danced when someone requested Jablai.Yes,i boogied to it with Mei.Glad Farid took over for a while later although there weren't much people left,just mainly my cousins and siblings.But that still didn't stop me especially when I requested Michael Jackson's 'Beat It'.Boy i was struting MJ's moves! Farizan was the real dancing champion queen for the night.For a 4 year old who's got so much energy(so was Aiman although his kaki sakit from too much dancing),I salute her!Wish i had proper shoes on since i was mostly dancing barefooted.Hantu saja tahan in heels dancing th night away!Luckily I woke up pain free.Sorry no pics.I had a blast and it clearly wasn't a dream.

Just Thought Anyone Would Ought to Know

I realize that us girls, dwell into too much drama,and I am speaking on behalf of myself.Funny that the little things we're linked to can lead to something similar on tv.We don't mean too,but i guess it's when we to think too much one thing tends to lead to another and get out of control?So fed up.Aiye!
Oh and I also have this problem with myself that I'm use to being wrong that whatever i do that feels right,I'll always feel wrong.I use to blame my everyday surroundings to that matter but then again i shouldn't- "In life there is no blame to anything because everything happen for a reason".That's my philosophy in life.I am glad that i wasn't too late on making that self-discovery.In some intense situation it's useless to get mad,well in most situations actually.(and leads to what i mentioned earlier-drama)If you keep looking back with so much blaming you'll never learn to move on.You're most likely to get stuck!
You can probably see me as temperamental,loud,annoying,lazy,mainly all the negativity.I do have another side that's the opposite that i wish some of you should try to open your heart to discover.Everyone has all the similar traits in their personality,but there's just more of this and less of that in all of us.All we have to do is just better ourselves.You still think i'm not wise enough?You nor i can really be the judge of that.But i do admit at some point i am (that's confidence talking.That's a good thing no?) haha ;p.Didn't expect today's post to be a bit long ;p Have a lovely Sunday all=)

What I really want

Say ‘O, my Lord! Advance me in knowledge’. (Taha: 114)

Education is the best cure for ignorance and also the catalyst for self-development. It is mandatory for every Muslim to seek knowledge – and seeking knowledge is not only limited to text books and school. Any little trait, hobby, language or culture is knowledge in itself.

Insisting that children pursue their studies to highest level of their interest is commended in Islam as it fulfills one of the many Muslim children’s rights upon their parents.

By allowing children to learn and grow with proper guidance and attention, confidence and independence to excel become traits of norm.

Ya Allah shower me with what i deserve.Amin!

Little Songbird

I was introduced to this little girl,Charice Pempengco from the Philippines by my sister.She was one of the winners (i think) from a singing competition tv show there called 'Little Big Star'.She blew me when i saw this video.Only 15 with such power in her voice.Truly amazing!But as I watched her other videos,my impression lessen 'cause it seems that she doesn't have her own singing style.But only in her mid-teens,i won't expect much from her right now.I hope in the meantime whilst exploring her teen hood,she will be able to develop and discover her own style and continue to impress people like me as she gets older.You go Charice!

Here's a video of her belting out Jennifer Hudson's 'And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going' from the hit movie Dreamgirls in a Korean tv show.No offense Jenifer fans (& Jennifer),I was pleased that she didn't scream at all that it wasn't annoying.Should see the reaction she got from the Korean audience.They were in so much awe haha...show 'em what you got!Ooh...and she's got awesome showmanship in this video.Wish i had that kind of confidence when i was her age!

Out of the blue

Just wrote this down a couple of minutes ago.It's been a while since i last wrote poems.Surprisingly for me it didn't took long to complete this short piece although certain changes were made.Don't have a title for this yet though.Is it best titled 'Untitled'?=s

I am a description of colour
a blend of black,blue and red
the feelings in my soul
the songs from my heart
never-ending dramas in my life
All underneath my skin
that's covered in white.

We

Stand still,Look pretty

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty


...And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life

Everyday I try my best to think that being in this position is not a curse but a blessing.I don't want to end up hating you for the rest my life.Especially when you made me your own.Please don't make me leave you because I really don't want to.But it seems like that is what you want me to do.It hurts to love you sometimes that it bleeds right through my soul.I don't want to snap one day and question "Am I a big Mistake?"

Raya Blues

2 weeks of Raya has passed and it was BORING!The atmosphere wasn't raelly festive nor lively.I guess it's because most people are overseas or busy with exams(Good luck to those who are sitting for any exams.All the best!)The only thing that made up my Raya was fireworks-watching them and playing with it.My open house sucked as well.Not much people came-I thank those who came.I was pleased to see you lighting up my boring lonely life!

I think i'm starting to be caught in between 2 again and i hate this because i know I'll always end up with nothing.I'm so f***king indecisive!or am I just making myself think that way when its actually not?s***;p

Back

Just got back today from the Lion land,finally!Was suppose to be back on Wed,but some things came up in the very last minute.Had an hour of shut eye before leaving.Went to the gerai and the mall hours later when we arrived home.Got a new set of curtains for my room.Only this time it matches the room colour.Been waiting for soooo long to get rid of the ugly pink curtains.Good riddance!I can now celebrate haha.But I still have yet to change the tiles in my toilet.Its pink!Im not very fond of pink you see.Hopefully one day my dreams will come true lol.Its 2am+ right now and I should be asleep.But since i'm online I can be pretty stubborn to get off it.

Im so happy to be back.Back sleeping on my bed.Oh my bed,my sanctuary.I should name my bed like how Joey from FRIENDS named his couch Rosita.Aaahhh....i manage to buy a really good pillow.Although it cost about $52(it was actually $66.Got 20 % off it.So i was lucky heeee)It's oh sooo soft and seriously huggable.Its micro-fibre mannn.Never had a really good sleep eversince i've been spending quality sleeping time with it.Also got 2 new pair of shoes for Raya.You know,Ive never been very much of a shoe person until my aunt gave me a pair of this gorgeous oldish light brown satin heels from 9 West.Gorgeous!I immediately fell in love with it.Eversice then I would make time to set my eyes on o-glorious shoes if ever im in a shoe store wether i could get it or not *wishful thinking*.Somethings wrong with me.Its verly unlikely for me to develop a fetish for shoes.Are my sisters to blame or does shoes have this hypnotic possive powers on turning the most unlikely tom-boyish gal into a shoe lover?hahaha.Ee-wee-kee,out!

Me

I am carrying my voice
I am carrying my heart
I am carrying my rhythmn
I am carrying my prayers
But you can't kill my spirit
It's soaring and it's strong
Like a mountain
I'll go on and on
But when my wings are folded
The brightly colored moth
Blends into the dirt into the ground

Paula Cole-Me

Favourite Quotes of a Lifetime

Here're two qoutes that I got again from Mr.Dave Owen's.I love it because its relatable.
"Here's to the crazy one's,the misfits,the rebels,the troublemakers,the round pegs in the square holes...the ones who sees things differently-they're not fond of rules...You can quote them,disagree with them because they change things...They push the human race forward,and while some may see them as the crazy ones,we see genius,because the ones who are crazy enough to change the world,are the one who do"-Steve Jobs (1955-...)
"If you have made mistakes,even serious ones,there is always another chance for you what we call failure is not falling down but staying down"- Mary Pickford(1893-1979)
Have a lovely week ahead of ya'll.

Inside I'm A Little Mixed Up

Sometimes travelling can be such a pain.Do people show their true colours when they're not at home?It really makes me wonder.Also I still wish I'm fasting at home.The atmosphere is more meaningful there than where I'm at right now.I guess I'm just so use to fasting at home.Other than that,I've never felt soooo stupid.I can't be bothered to reason out why.Its useless to even wallow.I'll end todays post with some quotes I got from a myspace artist.Mr.Dave Owens http://myspace.com/daveowens.Im glad someone like him put up these quotes to keep may day going.
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
-Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)
"If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible. Don't hoard it. Don't dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly like a millionaire intent on going broke."
-Brendan Francis
"Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
- Mark Twain

"The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision. That's the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead!"
- General George S. Patton, Jr.
Have a nice day everyone!

Agony

It's been 3 days and I woke up this morning with continuous excruciating pain in my head,jaw and nose.Mainly on the left side.Tonsils are getting worse.As if i'm gulping a big ball='( Could this be a sign of a sinus infection? 'cause the left side of my nose has been stuffy for the last freakin' 7 months.Doctors have prescribe some medications,nasal spray and such,but the outcome had no effect at all.And no,i'm not faking it.Some people are putting pressure on me when all im trying to do is relax.Especially when im the type of person who gets irritated easily(by people who irritaes people eaily ofcourse).Just cut me some slack! I'm not mad.I'm just tired of the tensions especially when im in a weak state.Can't stand it!!!Pain killers isn't helping either =s I really need to see the doctor tomorrow.

Unwell

Im feeling under the weather today.Down with toncilitis which leads to a terrible migrane and cold.Probably got it from my sis since she got it first.Ugh!Its really agonising.The upain in my head and between my eyes is just unbearable.Luckily I got no fever although im feeling pretty weak.Hope I wont get a fever anytime soon=s.Wira came over.Got too carried away chatting up with him,Ish and Az when I was suppose to be resting.I can be stubborn at times.Lets just say my body has a mind of its own hehe.Hope to get well soon.Rest now so, TTFN!

Random

Wahey!my first random post,ever.Infact I was actually forced to update by the 3 stooges.So you can say that this entry is just to please them and its unintentional.Nawh!Im just kidding girls.Lighteng up will you?Manz,Fe,Mal hahaha.
1.What are gatherings for?People organise such gatherings like 'Jaga-jaga' nights for instance,so we could create a stronger bond between our relatives/family/friends.'fraid this doesnt really happen where im coming from,especially who im always surrounded with during functions and such.Instead,gatherings only make my non-biological relatives more of a bitch towards everyone.19 years!We all should learn to get along by now since were already quite at a mature stage.Morons!I may not be really pious but in the words of Prophet Muhammad SAW "Do not be envious of each other,nor backbite nor hate one another,but become brothers in the service of Allah".You see,enstrangement and enmity between fellow Muslims must never be for any wordly reason,for in the sight of Allah and the Muslim,the whole world is of such little value that it is not worth abandoning and breaking the relationship with a brother Muslim.eseh!
2.To Fefe:STOP IT!I'll hunt u down.Just u wait and see:p
3.Sleepless nights and late afternoons.Ive been snoozing at 5+am and snapping back to reality at 3pm.Its driving me nuts because boredom always strikes late nights and I could either cry or just kill myself(sad i know).Especially when most of my siblings are back in school=(
4.Lately the Mall & Rihanna's songs (and voice) is A-nnoying!
5.I want to study so bad but theres a barrier that is trying to stop me.Im having a hard time going through the whole process of finalising my tutions.Insyaallah,when Sept comes i'll get through it.Wish me luck!Its a good start for me this time to go through the right path into the future.Amin!
6.I am Mrs.Le Bouf forever!I just finished watching Disturbia and I am head over heels with the funny dude*heart melting* ;p
l'll end todays post with a quote I got from That 70s show "College is for women who don't want to marry the first idiot they meet and squeeze out his bastard moron children"*grins* TTFN!

Friday the 13th Not So Scary

Had quite a productive day on Friday.But the night before that,we went to watch the latest Harry Potter flick with almost the whole family.Wasn't that exiciting.The movie was fast-really straight to the point(reminds me of Eragon) and too much editing.Although Daniel was a bit too buff,but he's still hot.But then again Shia wins and Transformers still rocks!Hands down(sorry HP fans.The Autobots wins over magic this time).The next day,attended cousin's baby shower.Nenek tua was so glum and cried because big sister so angry(hahaha you reading this Fe?)The gift from the baby shower was really lovely.Not to mention that my family received a really lovely 'compliment' too.Apparently were the Stampede family.*sings the Stampede(actual theme of the Adams family) theme*.Its not my first time listening to that sort of remark SCREW THEM!They have no god-given-right to make US,MY family feel inferior without our consent!Infact they have no f***in' right at all!!Saying things only to make themselves or their kind look much better and more superior.Sad!That's right Nys,you can say that word,only this time i'll say it with you loud and proud sarcasticly.'Nuff said.Anyway,night fell,and my aunt held a Bingo night.Didn't really played since I wasn't really focusing on crossing out the numbers because I was busy chatting away with my best friends instead.Besides,I knew I wasn't going to win anyway.Fe did.At midnight,boredom striked me so to ease my boredom I either just sat and stared at people crossing numbers and anticipating to win(Sad i know),went in and out of the room,feast my ears on music and stuff and even played Mr.Wolf with my little siblings!Ive been trying to bet on people to do some daring stuff,but they turned down(Mei,Hubz,Manz,5 bucks still hanging.Still want?)I wish someone would bet on me to attempt their request.I'd give it a shot....i think haha.Also I just realised that I am a last resort to someone or that someone is just too god-knows-what!Bingo night ended in the wee hours of morning.On my way back home,heard-which i believe is just a rumour-that Wentworth Miller is gay.With Rio Ferdinand!Yes ladies,pretty heartbreaking huh?Wentworth is hot and all,but I wont be suprise if he really is.The only suprising bit was Rio Ferdinand.The thought of them holding hands(whatmore kissing?) is pretty grosteque!eew.Lounged with my siblings as I arrived home.Reminised the good old cartoons we use to watch on telly when we were kids-from Transformers to Thunder Cats(abg said there's going to be a Thunder Cats movie.So Thunder Cats fans,look out for that in the near future) to Jem and the Hollograms(oh i looooved this so much) to Jetsons and the Flintstones to Quickdraw McGraw (and his partner Babo Louie) to He-Man and She-Ra and etc.Good times man,good times!The old toons are so much better than the ones now.lts really different now=sMy younger siblings idolised those teeny bopper shit when they're not even a teen yet.I don't remember wanting to grow up so fast back then.I was a real Peter Pan at heart and still am.And no i'm not like MJ,Im no sick pedophile ah.Wish there's a specific tv channel for all those uber oldies toons,and old movies too.TNT I miss you!.I'm sure you viewers who are in their late teens/20s want that too.Inda ja?hahaha.We got too carried away until it was almost 6am and entered dreamland after that.So whatever happened in dreamland,stays in dreamland.TTFN!

Will I Ever Be Ready To Make Nice?

I was asked to design a wedding initial logo for my other brother.I didn't want to but I had no choice since mum requested for me.I could have backed out but I didn't want to add more disappointment and was I being a coward?Throughout my time designing,deep down I was furious.Concentrating was pretty distracting due to too much angry thoughts.At first,I couldn't come up with the right design since I wasn't bothered wether it was nice or not,but I showed mum anyways.She thought I was mocking the chinese calligraphy.So I had to re-design it again.I got really irritated so i forced my self to add a heart shape and touch of elegance not by choice just to please.I wasn't furious at mum.I was furious because I don't want to be a part of the wedding and I dont want to make that logo more beautiful than Abangs's one.I don't think it deserves to be perfect nor wonderful nor happy related that deserves to be celebrated!And due to that coming up,I feel that I have to put my studies on hold.I have to be too busy and too involve of something that I don't wish to be involve.I don't deserve to go through this shit and neither does the rest especially mum!I know the sadness or frustration is there.I can see it in their eyes.But some forces to laugh it off but I still can sense the pain behind.All this because of one persons's selfish way of living!

Concert Pictures

So here are some pictures I took during Cristina Aguilera's concert 2days ago as promised.

It's not much but this the best I could take.Enjoy!

Back To Basics

So I'm OK now.I manage to set my depressing emotions aside.What made that happen was because i just went to see Christina Aguilera live in concert(I'm in Singapore so yeah)!OMG.....she ROCKS!!!Her vocal range was amazing.I was in awe!What you hear from her Cd's is what you get.I mean it!Her performance was super cool.The settings & costumes was 30s,50s inspired just like the genre of her album.But I was a wee bit disappointed at the audience especially the ones surrounding us.Most of them just sat throughout the concert.It's like they weren't really feeling the music.Also most of them were kinda old.Sad to say there weren't much young fans at the concert.But that didn't stop me from enjoying myself with my siblings.I sang,danced & screamed my lungs out that I nearly lost my voice.haha in fact i kept on drinking water just to restrain it.The audience got hyped when she sang Fighter,Lady Marmalade & Candy man.But the concert only lasted for about 2hours.I really wanted more.We got to see her leave after the concert.Just like a typical celeb,she wore shades.I was amuse actually haha.Ooh she waved at us...sakai eh!I was so happy ahaha.I'm glad i got to watch her perform live.heeee.I'll post up some pics when i can soon okays people...frieds.TTFN!

Pilot

So blogging is in the in thing now eh?Bah ikut saja....