Will I Ever Be Ready To Make Nice?

I was asked to design a wedding initial logo for my other brother.I didn't want to but I had no choice since mum requested for me.I could have backed out but I didn't want to add more disappointment and was I being a coward?Throughout my time designing,deep down I was furious.Concentrating was pretty distracting due to too much angry thoughts.At first,I couldn't come up with the right design since I wasn't bothered wether it was nice or not,but I showed mum anyways.She thought I was mocking the chinese calligraphy.So I had to re-design it again.I got really irritated so i forced my self to add a heart shape and touch of elegance not by choice just to please.I wasn't furious at mum.I was furious because I don't want to be a part of the wedding and I dont want to make that logo more beautiful than Abangs's one.I don't think it deserves to be perfect nor wonderful nor happy related that deserves to be celebrated!And due to that coming up,I feel that I have to put my studies on hold.I have to be too busy and too involve of something that I don't wish to be involve.I don't deserve to go through this shit and neither does the rest especially mum!I know the sadness or frustration is there.I can see it in their eyes.But some forces to laugh it off but I still can sense the pain behind.All this because of one persons's selfish way of living!